#top
VIEWPOINT
A Man
of Answers
My
father was a man of
answers.
It
didn't matter what the question, he had the
answer. And we (especially his family) dare not question his judgment.
And, of course, we didn't.
I
lie. I questioned it all the time. I had a miserable childhood.
My
father never asked a question. That would show lack of complete
knowledge. He would research a subject of interest until he had the
headlines, close the book, and when the subject came up, he would quote
the headline as fact.
"What
an intelligent man," I would hear. But I knew the truth. But of course,
never spoke it.
Don't
get me wrong. My father was an intelligent man.
Very much so. The problem lay in the fact that we (his family, at least
me for sure) could not separate his Wisdom from his Bull Headedness.
Nor
was I allowed to question any point which he spoke or commanded. His
response was, "When I jump, you holler!"
A
clever quip, had it been meant to be such.
One
example, to which my brother likes to refer; once, when my brother was
in school he learned that water can't be compressed. To which my
father's response was; "I can. I'd just put in a
big vise and.....!"
There
was nothing my father couldn't do. Just ask him.
I
inherited that trait. I doubt that I got it from my father's genes, but
rather from association and subjugation. Which, very possibly, is where
he acquired it to pass along to me.
So,
most of my life, and until this day, I find myself "Having to be right."
Not,
as I suppose, for the same reasons as my father. He was a small but
powerful man.
I'm
a wimp. Certainly by comparison.
No,
my reasons for having to be right, or, more precisely, not be wrong; is
that I fear rejection and abandonment if I expose any flaw. And I had
learned that being wrong was a huge flaw.
Now,
growing up, I didn't know any of this. I only knew that I was always
wrong; even when I repeated exactly what someone (especially my father)
had said.
But
how could I have possibly ever been right, when I was around someone
who could never be wrong?
And
being a wimp, I believed that everyone else was right, and that I was
in the wrong.
So,
I learned to question every little thing I did or thought.
This
questioning of myself was hard on a growing lad. And not really any
easier on a grown man. But, in old age, it has blessed me with certain
insights.
I
thought I was different from everyone else,
inferior, worthless in fact.
That
isn't true. Part of it at least.
In
my investigation of myself, I found that I wasn't different, I was the same
as everyone else. And that, contrary to popular belief, both
religiously and secularly, we are all worthless.
That
sounds degrading, I know. But that's not so at all.
If
we were all superior, as we are taught to believe, then we are all the
same. Only, as being superior beings, there is competition as to who is
more superior.
Contrarily,
If we are all worthless then there is none of
that competition. That is, of course, unless you desire to prove
yourself more worthless than your neighbor. Which probably wouldn't be
too hard a task.
This
is not a new concept, it's only that I am just learning it, and the
depths of it. Also, its application.
In
fact, the concept is thousands of years old. It has been taught by
Oriental Philosophers and Monks from, I suppose, the beginning.
And
if one really studied the Bible, they would see that it is what Jesus
and the Apostles were teaching.
Worthlessness
is freeing.
Being
right has it's burdens. Great burdens, in fact.
Having
no opinion is light. It carriers with it no obligation to prove
anything.
Nor
does it require giving evidence, nor justification, nor excuses when
evidence seems to point against your view.
So,
if I have learned all this, why aren't I smart enough to practice what
I preach? Why would I have a web site called "My Opinion" when I know
that having no opinion is the right way to go?
First,
a story. Once a Psychologist said to me, "You know your problem? You
think you're always right."
"Of course I
think I'm right," I replied hotly.
"If I thought I was wrong, then I would change my mind, and I would still
think I'm right. Don't you think you're right?"
Here
the Psychologist had been taught that "thinking you're right" is a
problem that some people have. He hadn't stopped long enough to realize
that, if it is a problem, it is one most people have - including
himself.
However,
he was wrong in the first place. I didn't think I
was right. I thought I was wrong, but had to be seen
as right to cover up my insecurity.
Sound
like anyone we know?
So,
why the web site?
After
a lifetime of believing that I am always wrong, but having to be right
in the eyes of others, I have learned certain things.
Mainly,
that there is no right. Just opinions.
And,
as long as a person only has an opinion on any given matter, than
he/she is not placing their ego on the line. If it's opposed, then the
opposing view is just another opinion.
All
parties can set the matter at rest as just a matter of opinion. Agree
to disagree.
So
this is the reason for this web site. To express a lot of opinions.
Show a few things that I have learned -- at least a few that has worked
thus far for me, and to provide a little humor into all that is seen as
serious matters of debate.
And
to share the importance of not being right, that is, to be stuck with
some answer, but rather to leave the door open by only having questions.
This
is not a new concept either. Read the writings of Socrates, and even
God.
|